I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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