sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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