glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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