please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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