Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
