I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize