Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My cat gives me a boner
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
