Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
