I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
