I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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