Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
