May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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