clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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