we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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