genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
