booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
