I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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