Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize