I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
