I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
