so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've blown a few things in my day
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
