My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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