Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
