I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you had me at cake vodka
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
