You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
