i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
cat food counts as protein by the way
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
