I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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