DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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