Hey man sorry I got all grabby
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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