I can text with my tongue
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You are the jesus of drinking
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
