Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
