she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
