I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
