I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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