Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
