I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
