suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
