in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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