She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
