tonight lets celebrate not being married
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
