His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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