I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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