Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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