happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
