i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone came in the potted fern
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
