member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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