bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
