The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
