The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
