forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
