I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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