No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
