I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
