it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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