everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
