u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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