I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
