I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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