I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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