Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
