you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
