you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
