Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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