You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
