Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
