it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
